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Posts Tagged ‘stress’

Overwhelmed

March 28, 2013 2 comments

Hooookay.

Lately, I’ve been feeling very overwhelmed. It has most recently culminated to it’s worst and highest point ever.

I’ve been really stressed out lately because my grandma has broken her hip and she has slight dementia, and so she has become dependent on 24 hour care–mostly provided by myself. Due to circumstance, everyone in my family, except me, has somewhere to be whether it be work or school. I am currently job hunting, so I am the only one available to be home all day to watch and care for my grandma. I make/feed her three meals a day, pick-up/organize/dispense all her medications, make sure she gets exercise, wash all her clothes and bedding, change her diapers, bathe her, and make sure to help her when she walks around and make sure she uses her walker when walking around as well. I also take her to her doctor appointments, keep track of any nurse visits, and make sure all her bills are paid. She makes things very difficult for me because she refuses to eat because she’s not hungry, refuses to get out of bed to exercise because she just doesn’t want to, and refuses to take a bath because she doesn’t want to. Don’t get me wrong. She is perfectly capable of doing these things, and even listens to strangers, like nurses, when they tell her to do these things. No argument or anything. I don’t know why she’s like this, but if it is me, she usually ends up turning it into an argument. I talk to her–beg her–PLEAD with her–to do these things for me, but she just will not do these things. Only once in a great while I can get her to do it without an argument. This is very much BURNING ME OUT like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. 24/7 taking care and waiting on a grown adult. Anyway, it’s just very stressful and I get very little sleep.

On top of this, I have been job searching and applying everywhere that has an entry level position that I qualify for. I also try to look for full time positions, with medical, at larger, more established companies in which I have opportunity to advance my career. I really did not enjoy being a secretary and feel like I’m wasting my time at jobs where there is no opportunity for advancement. I love to learn and keep myself updated on new technology, techniques, information and applications and I’d like to be able to put that to good use. Within the last month, I have applied at about 12 different jobs. Both part time and full time and in all different pay ranges. They are all entry level positions that I qualify for. I got an interview at one company but have not heard back from them, got “sorry we filled the position letters” from three companies, and the rest, I have not gotten any response from at all. I have LOTS of bills I need to pay. Also, I already feel very behind in life because all my friends are moving on to bigger and better things. I am educated. I have excellent references. I have a good personality. I have good work ethics. I have a lot of desirable qualities as a worker or employee, but I still am not able to get a decent job. So I am very discouraged at this point.

I also pretty much take care of and manage my family. I pay the bills. I make sure the house is in running order. I do whatever needs to be done to take care of my grandma, dad, sisters, and self.

In addition to these stressors, I have to manage my relationships with the BF and friends. This is harder than it seems with those other, larger, stressors.

The BF and I don’t have much time to do things for us since I or we are always doing things to take care of everyone else. Everything becomes nit-picky. I even had to severe ties with a good friend for a no good reason because of all the stress.

I feel really down in the dumps right now.

I hope things pick up soon or…. I really don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m. So. Tired…

Sorry for the depressing post, but this helps me to organize my thoughts and feelings and also helps to let me let out some stress. Thanks guys.

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Ugh, Nightmares

March 14, 2012 Leave a comment

For the past couple of nights, I’ve been having nightmares. I’ve pinpointed that my nightmares spawn from there being certain types of stress in my life.

Usually, I can pinpoint what is stressing me out, and sometimes even my nightmares start to depict what is stressing me out, but this time there are multiple things I think I could possibly be stressed about and my nightmares are just about different scary things–people being so angry, paranormal activities–nothing specific in real life.

Also, the things that I could possibly be stressing out about are not immediately resolvable.

Most of the time, my nightmares are a result of being under a lot of emotional stress.

I’m so tired and exhausted already from the nightmares… I can’t even think.

I woke up choking out a scream tonight. Please, please, PLEASE, make them go away…